Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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