I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
