I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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