This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize