talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
