So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
