The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
