it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
