She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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