Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Randomize
