So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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