just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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