oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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