I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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