his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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