Just fell off a train. Bad.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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