Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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