I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
