I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
