Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
