I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
