Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
