It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
