i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize