Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
