No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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