im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
