Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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