I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
