how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
