Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
