you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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