I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His hands were made for my vagina.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
