the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
