Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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