He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
