Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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