Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
