I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
