I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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