I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
