I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
