Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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