what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
