And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you had me at cake vodka
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize