If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
