Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
