honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
