Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
