can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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