We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
