If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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