he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
