bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
