All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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