He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
