my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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