There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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