I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
