I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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