I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
