Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So squirting runs in the family.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
