Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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