I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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