i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
