im drinking this country out of the recession.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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