All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
