i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
