You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
