Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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