how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
