I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize