i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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