someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
