I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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