Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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