dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
