One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
